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there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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