Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
