Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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