Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
