She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's the barista slut.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
