I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
