And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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