I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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