Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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