The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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