Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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