She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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