Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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