I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
