She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
