haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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