new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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