Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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