Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
