It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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