Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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