Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
