i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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