i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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