i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
