hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
