so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
