Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
