dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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