its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
