I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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