So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
