Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
