As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
