My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
