So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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