So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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