i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
