Do you still have your period?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
