one might say we're banned from that church
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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