My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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