I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
