My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
