I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
