I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
