She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
