with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
