Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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