ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
