absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
