ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
