Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
