I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
