god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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